i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
