Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
