can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
