Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
