We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
