When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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