No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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