He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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