I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
