Im at strip club and am horny
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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