im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
