so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
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