in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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