I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Nobody cheats on THIS.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
