Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
