he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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