I wannas sexs uuuuu
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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