We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
