saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
