He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
