By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
