very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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