I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize