thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
