Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
He is an equal opportunity slut.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
