It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Randomize
