she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
