There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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