Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
