Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
