you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
