Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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