mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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