The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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