He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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