Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize