I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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