3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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