: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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