i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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