Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
