i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
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