did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
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