I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize