now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
