so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
