love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
