Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Randomize
