Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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