Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
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