we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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