I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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