ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
are you so shy because you have an std?
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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