I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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