Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
