when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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