Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
