oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
