if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
