i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
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