Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize