my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
There r osticjed everywhere
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
