foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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