I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
