This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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