my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
