She is in my trunk
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
