Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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