when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
