It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize