I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize