So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
