Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
