had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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