Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
