I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
