Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
