There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
