I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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