Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I will die if light touches me.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize