is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
