it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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