So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
