So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
