she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
