That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Randomize
