you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
