nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
