I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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