woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize