Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
She even gives head with a lisp.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
