in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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