I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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