also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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