i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
