The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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