Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize