this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
