Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
