have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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