I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
