Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize