She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
